Carrier Pigeon

Cat Mihos
for Neil Gaiman
4470 Sunset Blvd. # 339
Los Angeles, CA 90027

Dear Mr. Gaiman,

I am currently working through a book entitled Take Ten for Writers by Bonnie Neubauer. It is a book of writing exercises designed to get the creative juices flowing. The exercise I'm currently working on involves writing a letter to a creative hero and sending it in the most creative way. Bonnie recommends carrier pigeons. I am, unfortunately, poor and lack the experience to train pigeons myself. But a coconut seemed fairly simple. I am happy to send Lorraine a few mangoes as well. I just need to know where to send them. But I digress.

Many years ago I was enthralled by a fantastic film called Stardust. I can't tell you how many times I went back to the theaters to see it again. When Stardust hit the dollar theaters, I made another exodus or five. Everyone I spoke with had to hear about this wonderful new addition to my life. Until I met someone who had read the book. Almost immediately I obtained the book and read it cover to cover. "This Gaiman guy is a genius!" I said to myself. Shortly thereafter, I was introduced to American Gods, Anansi Boys, Neverwhere, and Coroline.

And then my world changed completely. A friend of mine lent me a copy of Good Omens. I am sure you have heard people who eloquence and language skills far exceed my own go on about how great a book Good Omens is. So I will not bore you with another description of how much I loved the book.

Instead, I simply want to thank you for writing.

I have recently begun reading your blog and have found lots of great advice for aspiring writers. As the author—or compiler—of said advice, I'm certain that you are much more aware of how great the advice actually is.

Keep writing. The world is full of troubling events and people who, quite frankly, terrify me. But I have found that a good book, a movie, television series, radio broadcast, any engaging work of art has the power to hold all the dark forces of the world at bay and bring respite to the audience, the reader, the viewer. Even if only for a couple hours, art has the power to change.

Thank you for your art.

Sincerely,

Matthew Farnsworth
mcfarns@gmail.com

Captain of Captivating Captions

LOCAL PALAEOBOTANIST SUCCESSFULLY CLONES PREHISTORIC TOMATO

New Boston, MI—Dr. Renee Kendall, daughter of local businessman Frank Kendall, announced last Friday that she and her team had successfully cloned an early ancestor of the modern tomato. According to Dr. Kendall, the cloning of the Lunarum lycopersicum was made possible only after the partially fossilized remains of the plant was discovered in a dig site just west of Hannan Road. Dr. Kendall recently returned after completing her doctorate in palaeobotany from the Biodiversity Institute of Kansas University. Kendall informed the New Boston News that she was "quite surprised when [her] home town was mentioned as a possible origin for the prehistoric fruit." Kendall speculates that this ancient tomato probably had more in common with our modern potato. According to her research, the L. lycopersicum, or moon tomato as Kendall calls it, grew under a thin layer of soil and was  almost entirely unknown to prehistoric humanoids. She hopes to reintroduce the crop to the world later this year.

-D. McFarns

Word Bowling and a Turkey Dinner

Frame 1:

Ladies and gentlemen, it is with honor I take these scissors and cut this ribbon, signifying the grand opening of the official Chocolate Hall-of-Fame. Many years of research and scientific studies have gone into developing this sweet treat. I personally remember getting chalk all over my suit late into the night, living off soda and granola bars. But Mark was a real champ and together we created something great. I'm thankful for all the support we've received from our families who, thankfully, did not choke on our many failed experiments. We've also had to deal with an occasional spy or two trying to cheat us out of our success. But here we are. And now, without any further adieu...

Frame 2:

Chalk outlines stream across the road. Hollow promises he had made, the Champ. If only they had known he would cheat. He had only put a drop in each chocolate bar. He couldn't have known that it would case them to choke on the first bite. If he had run scientific tests he would have known. All he had to do was add a little baking soda. If he had known. But he had been a spy in school, leaning on better shoulders for support. And now, every candy bar is more dangerous than running with a pair of scissors. 

Frame 3:

To the Commander: General Hertz, the spy that we have been searching for, has been apprehended. The documents were located in a crate of soda bottles that were found with him. His plan had been to choke the pilot and deliver the documents, evidence that the Red Hare is a cheat, to his Elbonian contact, code name: the Champ. We were able to use adhesive chalk to immobilize the target while we waited for tactical support to arrive. The only weapons he was carrying was a large knife and a blow dart gun disguised as a pair of scissors. We also found a box of chocolates in the target's possession  We are running scientific tests to toxins and other anomalies, but have found nothing as yet. End transmission.

Calligrammes